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Written by Rob Schultz (human).

#2,383: The Dark Tower

Batman v Superman: The Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition - ★★★½☆
On my first viewing, I said that a) I wanted to re-arrange a few scenes and b) I already liked this movie more than anyone I know. Which maybe says more about the movie than about me.

This time around was the 'Ultimate Edition' and it's had quite a bit of work done - this isn't the exact same cut plus a few deleted scenes re-inserted. Stuff is moved around, subplots are added, motivations are changed. It's long, and a little bit of it is still confusing, but it's definitely a better version.

Also, here's a fan theory: I'm sure someone else has already said this, but it's mine anyway: Jeffrey Dean Morgan is Thomas Wayne for all of thirty seconds. Maybe he's just really into Batman, or friends with Zach Snyder from Watchmen. Or maybe the Flash movie is doing the Flashpoint storyline and we've already got a solid actor locked and loaded to play Batman. I didn't recognize the actress playing Martha, so I can't rightly guess whether we'll see her again, but look forward now to JDM-Bats and Affleck-Bats having that heart-to-heart...

Miss Sloane - ★★★☆☆
What if Nightcrawler was about a woman? Well, for one thing, she'd be way more successful...

This movie wasn't bad but nobody had the stomach for a film about electioneering in late 2016. Jessica Chastain is becoming typecast as the skillful and competent woman - as these things go, that sounds like a pretty good career.

The Dark Tower - ★★★☆☆
Some of the acting was bad, but I thought this was great! One of my minor talents is recognizing the secret identities of the media. (Examples: PS1's Vagrant Story is the best video game of the board game Hero Quest. Tomorrowland is the best movie of Bioshock we're likely to getInterstellar is a fine Lovecraftian horror.) This movie is a terrific adaptation of the Arkham Horror board game. Characters travel through gates to fantastic other worlds where they fight monsters and encounter sanity-blasting realizations about the world around them, before ultimately doing battle with an ancient evil to prevent the end of the world.

I couldn't tell you whether it has anything to do with the Stephen King novels.