Unacceptable, Part 8

What's a fun espionage story without a crazy enemy agency? If you want to find out, you're going to have to stop reading Unacceptable at The Higgs Weldon, because this week we introduce TUSK!

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I muttered as I jammed a steak knife into the hand of the TUSK agent I used to think was Bill the waiter. I suppose his name might have been Bill, but he hadn’t been a particularly good waiter, or, as it turned out, a very good assassin. Why had he taken the time to read us such an extensive list of specials if he was just going to try to murder us before the main course?

“What was that, Colin?” said Albert as he shattered a glass blender over the head of a TUSK that had been our sommelier. He knew an awful lot about wine. It’d be a damn shame if any of it got knocked loose just because he also happened to be a member of the world’s most elite espionage organization named after part of a walrus.

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Unacceptable, Part 7

Oh man, you are in luck. Season 7 of almost anything sucks, that's just a fact, but episode 7? Issue 7? High water marks of quality, all around! And Unacceptable on The Higgs Weldon is no exception. It's exceptional!

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I explained to the foreign national I was torturing.

“Yeargghh!” he said. I prodded at him with an electrical cable, although to be honest I was getting tired of it.

You've probably already clicked this because you're so excited to find out how the story turns out. Solid choice.

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Sacramento Comedy Festival

I was in the Sacramento Comedy Festival this weekend.

I entered at the start of the year, just after getting back from San Francisco Sketchfest, and I was pretty excited when I heard that I was in, and then much less excited when I heard that it was going to be a contest.

My experience with contests so far is that they're code for 'bringer show.' In other words, if you want to win, you're going to pack the audience with as many friends, co-workers, and family members as you can so they will vote for you, and just happen to buy tickets and a minimum of two drinks from the club while they're there.

And then I got there, and everything about the shows was terrific. The Sacramento Comedy Spot is a cool club with a better location than any club in LA, with great staff, who picked a lineup of comics that was both diverse in style and not awful to watch. To my further surprise, the contest was decided by somewhat anonymous judges. I'm sure this system has its own set of problems, but whatever they may be, they're different from the trap I thought I was walking into, and it seemed fair and square to me.

The clip found at the top is from my set in the semi-finals, where I was knocked out of the contest. It was my favorite part of the set because it's relatively new and they were so into it.

So my thanks to the Comedy Spot for having me and my fellow comics for being funny and the crowds that showed up and were bigger than maybe anywhere I've ever performed. I look forward to seeing all of you again.

Unacceptable, Part 6

This week, over at The Higgs Weldon, a lot of really solid typing. Some of it looks like:

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!” I called out, apparently to no one.

I pulled off my night vision goggles and sat down on a crate. If Vanessa had been murdered, captured, or sent home early, this mission would become a lot more difficult for me.

Yep, spies, secret agents, lots of references, read it right away!

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Unacceptable, Part 5

This week on The Higgs Weldon, I prove the old adage, "do something four times, get sponsored because you're a huge success."

This week’s installment is made possible through the generous sponsorship of some of The Higgs Weldon’s corporate partners. We want to assure you that although these corporations make wonderful products that we ourselves use constantly, they have no influence over the editorial content of this website or any of its regular features.

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I said to Albert, via the magic of Cisco TelePresence™.

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