Unacceptable, Part 7

Oh man, you are in luck. Season 7 of almost anything sucks, that's just a fact, but episode 7? Issue 7? High water marks of quality, all around! And Unacceptable on The Higgs Weldon is no exception. It's exceptional!

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I explained to the foreign national I was torturing.

“Yeargghh!” he said. I prodded at him with an electrical cable, although to be honest I was getting tired of it.

You've probably already clicked this because you're so excited to find out how the story turns out. Solid choice.

If you're incapable of reading because you've had a surgery that left you with the ability to write nothing but humor pieces of 1000 words or less, then SUBMIT one or two today!

Unacceptable, Part 6

This week, over at The Higgs Weldon, a lot of really solid typing. Some of it looks like:

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!” I called out, apparently to no one.

I pulled off my night vision goggles and sat down on a crate. If Vanessa had been murdered, captured, or sent home early, this mission would become a lot more difficult for me.

Yep, spies, secret agents, lots of references, read it right away!

Don't just shuffle your papers around, mail them in to SUBMIT today. Trust me, I read the submissions that come in, and they. are. dreadful. Send us something good and you know what we'll do? We'll print it!

Unacceptable, Part 5

This week on The Higgs Weldon, I prove the old adage, "do something four times, get sponsored because you're a huge success."

This week’s installment is made possible through the generous sponsorship of some of The Higgs Weldon’s corporate partners. We want to assure you that although these corporations make wonderful products that we ourselves use constantly, they have no influence over the editorial content of this website or any of its regular features.

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I said to Albert, via the magic of Cisco TelePresence™.

Read, love, and then thoughtfully consider some of our wonderful sponsors today.

SUBMIT your own writing to The Higgs Weldon by Thursday.

To the Residents of Via Verde Villas Court Terrace Estates

Speaking of The Higgs Weldon this week, I helped out Ms. Weldon herself with a piece while we were in the American city of San Francisco performing stand-up comedy.

Look, we all know the sign out front says “no” pets, but I knew what I was getting into as the owner of seven (7) dogs before moving in here, and once you have seven, who can say no to three (3) more?

Check out the rest of the letter To the Residents of Via Verde Villas Court Terrace Estates.

Unacceptable, Part 4

This would be the final of my four replacement columns for The Higgs Weldon, but since all of them seem vaguely to be the same story, I think it may continue for a little while.

This week, the story starts out all like,

“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!” I shouted to Vanessa from the bed of the lumber truck. I was trying to release one of the ratchet straps holding felled trees to the truck, which is pretty difficult to begin with, but we were being shot at, and I hate that. Sure, it comes with the job, but it always makes me duck.

Honestly, it’s a little bit embarrassing. I know the statistics. I wasn’t going to get hit. But they were shooting at me. Vanessa was closer to the banditos than I was, and she didn’t even flinch when they opened fire.

and then there's more. Go read it! There are no Ukranians this week.

Also, feel free to SUBMIT your own writing to The Higgs Weldon.