Mission Complete

#1,388: 21

WATCHED a lent copy of Foxy Brown this week. Fun and crazy and interesting to see where the different standards used to be. READ a copy of How to Cheat your Friends at Poker, presumably by J.D. Richards. I'm inclined to believe that Penn Jillette really did help someone else get their text into print on his good name, because Penn's never so dull in anything else he works on. Pretty much like reading a bound up handful of old BBS-era textfiles describing how to be a successful cheat with all the usefulness of Steve Martin's advice on how to get a million dollars and never pay taxes. Don't know that I really wanted someone to train me at cheating in a game I don't play, but I wanted more than I got.

WATCHED 21, the Los Vegas advertisement that looked kind of neat in the commercials. I talked with some of the dealers about the movie last time I was there. They said if anything, it was pretty good for the town, since it got more people in thinking they could work the system the movie didn't actually explain to them.

But I was still surprised by how bad the movie was.

While it ran, I had a litany of complaints, but I thought writing them as it played was corny, and now, minutes after the film ended, it almost completely escapes me. The cheesy 80s score, the paper-thin plot twists, the just enough romantic subplot to fill in a spot in the trailer, the reams of voiceover material that tells us how great vegas is. I guess they just didn't sell the fantasy of winning a lot of money, since, like poker chips, it didn't seem like money. They don't use it for anything, and they don't seem to have really worked for or earned it, so there's no reason to care when things go south for the characters, as they inevitably must in order to fulfill the plot formula. There was one fun moment when one character took everything from another character, but that didn't last.

ALSO, this week I saw a bunch of Robot Chicken, which really loses its fun when it isn't fresh; the Rifftrax Live short 'Self Conscious Guy,' which was good; the start of season 3 of the excellent UK series Hustle, and I synced up the last segment of 2001 with Pink Floyd's 'Echoes,' which is like doing Wizard of Oz + Dark Side of the Moon in that it's kind of neat, but doesn't really work any more than how most songs will seem to fit most videos.

OH, and I cranked through most of the Google Reader I'd been ignoring for 3 or 4 weeks. Sweet Christmas I wish people proofread their posts. It's like the /film people are using a speech recognition program, for how often they get simple words and homonyms wrong. Also, even though nobody should have to be told this, if you're a journalist, or even if you're just pretending to be one on your blog, the fact that you're writing the story IS NOT the lead, least of all on your first day on the job. Unless maybe you're 9. Or 93. Yuck.

Therefore, I'm hanging out with Luke today.

Later, a compilation of videos and things I've worked on out on the internets.  But today: 

Rob: Hey, Hombre Ocho
Luke: Hey.
Rob: allons a la lune?
Luke: Pas a la lune!
Rob: aw...c'est magnifique, la lune. Tu vas aimer la lune!
Rob: allons!
Luke: Je ne veux pas aller a la lune.
Luke: Il va faire froid sur la lune.
Luke: Mais, ici, nous avons 60+ degres F.
Rob: je ne crois pas cela
Rob: la lune est super-chouette!
Rob: mais, pas "froid"
Luke: Aussi, la, il n'y a pas d'atmosphere.
Rob: oh! l'atmosphere! Tu et t'atmosphere!
Luke: Quoi?
Rob: "Bonjour! Je m'appelle Luke. J'aime respirer Tous! Les! Temps! Regardez-moi!"
Luke: Ouai ouai.
Luke: Tu l'aimes, aussi, mais tu ne le dis pas.
Luke: Tu as un amour discret avec l'atmosphere.
Luke: Mais tous le monde ecoutent tes respirations!
Rob: alors, je n'est pas une jeune fille
Luke: Ca ne fait rien.
Rob: allons a la lune, s'il vous plaît?
Luke: Tu as les poumons!
Rob: il y a gâteau.
Luke: Si tu as les poumons, to ne peuz pas aller a la lune (sans quelques chers choses a porter).
Rob: (le premier cadeau de la saison)
Luke: Je n'aime pas le gateau de la lune! Je ne suis pas un astronaut!
Luke: Je ne veux pas des enfants du fromage de la lune!
Luke: Je ne veux pas manger l'hamburger avec un paille!
Rob: arrete
Rob: je suis désolé
Luke: Je ne veux pas les astronauts, qui defient la force de gravité devant nos enfants!
Rob: je ne tu appellerais jamais un astronaute
Rob: c'est trop
Luke: Tu m'invites a aller sur la lune!
Rob: je ne pense pas
Luke: Tu es mechant.
Rob: j'ai pensé un vacance a la lune seraient amusement et un delight
Luke: Evidement, le 'matinee' a la Cedar Lee finit a seulement 2:00PM!
Luke: Il n'est pas amusant, un vacance sans oxygen.
Rob: aussi, aux Cinemark a 3h-quelquechose. J'ai un certificate!
Rob: je voudrais payer pour nous tous les deux, parce que j'ai vende un Dialysis cette annee
Rob: (il serait amusant pour un peu de temps, meme sans l'air)
Luke: (Je ne vous croix pas.)
Luke: Ou a 'Regal Crocker Park' a 3:10.
Rob: "Crocker Park?" Es tu certain qu'a assez l'atmosphere pour tu?
Luke: Peut-etre.  

Yay big

Everything you hear about that's eh, about this large, [gesture], is said to be 'the size of a deck of cards.' Unless it's really small, then it's 'as big as a pack of gum.' But you look back a few years, and you'll see the truth, which is that 'the size of a deck of cards' is a euphemism for 'as big as a pack of cigarettes.' I mean, you've seen cards, you know, but that's not what they're really thinking of when they say it.

Eventually, will things be 'as big as an ipod?' I bet they won't, because you'd have to get into a chat about what kind. The one I got the first time my car got robbed is about as big as one of those flat packs of gum, like stride or 5. This new hard drive I picked up is as big as a moleskine notebook. And my old ipod, the one I bought? That seems huge now. It's, like, the size of a deck of cards.

Sometimes it's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things the internets have to offer that make them all worthwhile. Eighteen years ago, when he was popular, I would have never dared to dream (for any number of reasons) that THIS message would one day arrive:

Hi, Rob Schultz.

Hammer (MCHammer) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Hammer's profile here:

http://twitter.com/MCHammer

Best, Twitter

However, I definitely remember my dad having the mistaken impression that I  was a MC Hammer fan. Maybe he knew something I didn't, all along...that Hammer was actually a fan of ME!