Omegle #3

Wow.  Just... wow.  This one took an hour or two.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: I don't think I can ever love you.
 Stranger: why not
 You: too strange.
 Stranger: what do u want to do then
 You: I'm not opposed to a civil union, for the tax and insurance benefits as much as anything.
 Stranger: north korea
 You: and maybe, in time, love will come, but it's got a long road ahead.
 Stranger: china?
 You: Also: separate beds. You snore a lot, and you were never a satisfying lover.
 You: I'm sorry to unload these, well, blunt truths all at once, but the therapist says it's the only way.
 Stranger: are u crazy
 You: If not for the kids, I think I would have left you in the 1980s.
 Stranger: danm your old
 You: After that thing with you and the stewardess.
 Stranger: she was hot
 Stranger: do u love samuel l jackson?
 You: damn you terry! damn you! why couldn't you ever say -I- was hot?
 You: always with that stewardess!
 Stranger: im sorry but i knew u had a thing for samuel
 You: And don't think that I don't know you put our son up to suggesting we name the dog lacey. He just -happened- to come up with her name when we were naming the beagle?
 You: are you kidding me, terry?
 Stranger: i love beagles
 Stranger: i use to have one
 Stranger: it ran away
 You: It was a good dog, but I hated it so much because of you.
 Stranger: why
 Stranger: beagles are so good
 You: As if you didn't know!
 Stranger: i loved our beagle
 You: It never ran away, Terry. It's buried under that stupid "time capsule" you put in the back yard.
 You: If only you loved me the way you loved that damned beagle!
 Stranger: but jen
 Stranger: i love u
 You: don't you 'but jen' me!
 Stranger: jen please
You: it's always the same with you!
Stranger: stop doing this to me
You: oh, that's rich, I'm the one doing this to you now?
You: I suppose I'm the one making you run around with that tramp on the third weekend of every month then? 
 Stranger: but i always gave u what you wanted 
 You: I didn't want all that bullshit, I wanted a husband! 

 Stranger: how did you know
 Stranger: i am your husband
 Stranger: i gave you everything!
 Stranger: cars, jewelry, i put food on your table!
 You: I wanted someone who would spend time with the kids in the evening, I wanted someone who would clean beagle leavings out of the yard, I wanted someone who cared!
 Stranger: and I pleased you in bed like how you wanted it
 Stranger: Baby, I WORK, i cant spend time with the kids every evening
 Stranger: do you want me to quit my job?
 Stranger: What did you do? nothing
 Stranger: all you did was stay home all day and do who knows what
 Stranger: for all i know you could have had someone over
 You: I can count every time you tried to 'please' me, because we have another mouth to feed for each and every one!
 You: our so-called sex life is old enough to vote!
 You: And terry: I -never- cheated on you.
 Stranger: so you were acting? i thought u enjoyed are sex life
 You: And you know what's worse? I wish I had!
 You: "Don't sink down to his level" they told me.
 You: "Make him rise to yours" they said. What a load of trash!
 Stranger: Your friends are stupid
You: oh, and the poker club is some kind of brain trust?!
 Stranger: i have a secret
 Stranger: your friend jessica....
 Stranger: she jumped on me...
You: pshh, who hasn't she jumped on? All the more reason the separate beds are a good idea.
 You: I knew she'd done it when I saw you scratching more than usual.
 Stranger: you probably have it too...
 You: the hell I do!
 Stranger: you do, i saw you shave it off
 You: more proof you don't know what the hell is going on down there.
 You: I don't even do your laundry in our washer anymore. I don't need the kids getting a nasty surprise like that.
You: And speaking of surprises, that bottle of scotch was for my dad's birthday next month.
 Stranger: well your dad is a jackass and he doesnt deserve scotch
 Stranger: he deserves shitty beer
 You: if you're going to take it, at least have the balls to own up to it, It's pretty obvious when the wax seal is broken.
 Stranger: Yes I drank it
 You: and it's just your damn money that's going to go to a fresh bottle anyway.
 Stranger: so what big deal
You: the "big deal" is that you're going around with your '8 months sober' pin and it's a damned lie
 You: ...as anyone who has been in a room with you and that breath can tell in an instant.
 You: it makes a mockery of the program, is what it does.
 You: I wouldn't be surprised to see you're back into the nosecandy again too.
Stranger: im cutting off your funds
You: Is THAT why you don't want me to see the bank accounts anymore?
 Stranger: I GOT FIRED
 Stranger: okay
 Stranger: there secrets out
 Stranger: i didnt know how to tell you
 Stranger: bank funds? there are no bank funds
 You: I could tell two months ago when they bulldozed your old office, you bastard!
 You: you coward!
 Stranger: and you still buy the kids barbies and toys left and right
 Stranger: and you come home with shopping bags
 You: if YOU can pretend, and YOU can still drive 28 miles each day as though you're roundtripping to the office, then SO CAN I!
 Stranger: WHERE do you get this money?
 Stranger: i NEED to know one thing... its samuel isnt it
 You: bah, who needs money? Barbie wants to be free.
 You: And I told you - I DIDN'T CHEAT!
 You: I could've. Oh MAN, I could've, but I didn't!
 Stranger: U NEVER told me where that disgusting THING came from on your upper lip
 You: Terry, that's a birthmark.
 Stranger: That is no birthmark
 Stranger: DONT BS with me
 You: show a little class for once, yeah? I've had it since you've known me.
 Stranger: A birthmark does not suddenly appear overnight
 You: Get out the yearbook, it's always been there.
 Stranger: What about you shaving?
 You: What ABOUT my shaving?
 Stranger: We havent had sex in months
You: damn straight we haven't. And you're not getting anywhere near me since that Jessica nonsense.
You: It's not like Rhonda, Rhoda, Seamus, and Eamonn need another little sibling anyhow.
Stranger: why would you shave
You: It makes me feel beautiful, okay? It makes me feel young, and desirable, and like a woman
 You: like all the things you DON'T make me feel!
 Stranger: I GAVE you everything you wanted?
 Stranger: I DID didnt I
 You: NO!!!!
 Stranger: I am taking the kids to my moms
 You: What you gave me was gin. And a ride home after the football game. And Rhoda.
 Stranger: I cant have the kids live with such a crazy monster like you
 Stranger: Rhoda was your fault you danm hoe
 You: That whore? MY children aren't going anywhere near her place, and you sure as HELL aren't taking them out of state! I'll call the cops!
 Stranger: YOU ruined my COLLEGE education
 Stranger: I HAD TO DROP OUT becuase of you
 You: You ruined my high school education!
 Stranger: WHY did you have to throw yourself onto me
 You: You should've gone to jail, not to the altar!
 You: I'm sure I DIDN'T but if I had to guess, the same gin that kept me from remembering that night probably kept me from being able to stand up straight
 Stranger: jen you were a silly hoe in high school
 You: you're out of your mind
 Stranger: you even got with mr. jackson, out PE teacher
 Stranger: our*
 You: Hah! You thought that rumor was about me? That was totally Jen Pora.
 You: You wasted your whole life chasing after the wrong skirt!
 Stranger: NO that WAS YOU
 Stranger: Ms. Hoe, class of 75
 Stranger: that was your nickname remember?
 You: in your dreams, you horrible he-slut!
 You: and anyway, it's spelled Hoer.
 Stranger: Go walk the streets where you belong
 You: not like taking YOUR name was so much better.
 Stranger: I was an allstar football player in HS and could have gone all the way if it werent for you
 You: I'd say you've been all the way plenty of times, with and without me.
 Stranger: Can we please work this out?
 You: You know what Kim told me at mahjong this week? "If a woman sleeps around, she's called a slut, but what do you call a man that sleeps with anything that moves? Terry!"
 You: Believe me, I'd -like- to work it out, I just don't know how to stop fighting with you.
 Stranger: Kim is a slut
 Stranger: all your friends are sluts
 Stranger: i guess they learned from you
 You: See?
 You: THIS is why we can't work it out!
 You: Why would you say something like that?
 Stranger: Because you always start these fights
 Stranger: Why cant you just stop
 You: Is it the booze again? Are you on the booze?
 You: You know there are 12 steps in AA right? Don't you ever wonder about the back 11?
 Stranger: I AM NOT AN ALCHOLIC
 Stranger: YOUR FATHER IS
 Stranger: AND SAME WITH YOUR MOTHER
 You: My FATHER is a WAR HERO, and he deserves all the comfort this nation can afford him!
 Stranger: dont give me that go to AA bs
 Stranger: if anything you should do AA
 You: good god, maybe those back 11 steps can wait, since you clearly are nowhere near mastering step 1
 You: I'll try to let the horrible things you've said pass, Terry, because I know you don't mean them, and I know you don't even know what you're saying right now.
 Stranger: i knower sorryy baby ive been a horibble husband
 Stranger: immdurnk
You: but I'll tell you, when rhonda and rhoda and seamus and eamonn and I go to mass on sunday, I've got half a mind to not even pray for you.
 Stranger: your rightt
 Stranger: Dont tell the kids whats going on with us
 You: the kids aren't stupid. or deaf.
 Stranger: seamus is retarted
 You: and eamonn's almost 13 now. Smurf dolls are no longer an acceptable bribe in exchange for his emotions
 Stranger: do you know why? becuase you drank heavily with him in you
 You: Seamus is dyslexic, he's not retarded.
 Stranger: WAHT EVER
 Stranger: SAME THING
 Stranger: HES STUPID BECAUSE OF YOU
 You: my real regret was the time I drank heavily with YOU in me.
 Stranger: DONT BLAME THE DRANK
 Stranger: blame the hoe inside of you
 You: Terry, I think you need to calm down
 Stranger: I CANT
 Stranger: IM PISSED
 Stranger: YOU always give me shit
 Stranger: I DONT KNOW how long i can take it
 You: Well than have some sanka and sober the hell up
 You: I'm done with being the neighbors' entertainment for one night
 Stranger: i need to go
 Stranger: go out of the country
 Stranger: away from you
 You: we're lucky if they haven't called the cops already, the way you're yelling
 Stranger: i cant stand you
 You: Well then call a cab
 Stranger: im driving
 You: I can't have you wrecking the Nova
 You: I need to be able to drive the kids to school
 Stranger: the nova is already a wreck
 Stranger: tell them to walk
 You: Well at least it still has all its windows, unlike the taurus.
 Stranger: i have to go
 Stranger: for real lol
 You: you keep your lols to yourself, buddy
 Stranger: lol this was interesting
 You: fine then
 You: go
 You: and don't step in beagle leavings on your way out
 Stranger: ill be back im going out for a smoke
 You: oh great. Great. Now you're smoking again.
 You: I thought we agreed you were stopping.
 You: It's bad for the kids, it's bad for me, it's even bad for you.
 You: even if I don't know why I should care about THAT
 Stranger: I SMOKE TO relieve the stress you cause me
 You: I cause you stress because you SMOKE
 You: my kids don't need that poison in their lungs
 Stranger: i dont smoke in front of the kids
 Stranger: i would never harm the kids
 You: and I don't need that stink all over my porch, and the clothes you bring in my house
 Stranger: where r u from
 Stranger: it was a fun talk
 Stranger: have a nice day jen i love u

#1,437: Lawrence of Arabia

Seems to me most flicks I see lately fall into one of three categories, and that they mainly break down by era of production. I'd say that it feels like the majority of films produced nowadays feel unsatisfying.  I suspect it's to do with trying to break from the formats and conventions that have come before, and I couldn't say whether the uncomfortable feeling comes from having the accepted norms broken or from the new breed of filmmaker still struggling to find the next thing, which perhaps hasn't quite hit yet.

The convention they're escaping seems especially prevalent in films from, say, the late 1960s through the late 1990s, a generation back.  These are movies with strong, well-defined three act structures, and beats you can absolutely feel adhering to the campbell-style hero's journey and whatnot.  

Perhaps the former group represent the democratization of film, the era in which I can have a video camera in my monitor here, while the latter are the film school generation.  And if so, then the generation they followed and broke with are the pioneers - the first generation of filmmakers to have access to film technology as we'd generally still think of it today.  

Or, we could probably follow the money and see a similar story.  Films today made by corporations that were previously made following an auteur model that followed the studio system.  In either case, I don't believe that the modern audience is dumber than it used to be.  If anything, it's more responsive to film on a technical level, more apt to catch shots that would have once been considered subliminal images, simply from being trained by modern TV / commercials.

And yet, even though it's a popular comment to make, I'd say it is very rare, the modern movie that is worthy of the claim that repeat viewings are necessary "to catch everything."  Even with the recent popularity of huge twist endings.  For my viewing dollar, it was those much earlier flicks that stand up to or even demand the repeat screenings.  Maybe there's something inherent to an age in which repeat viewings meant repeat trips to the cinema vs. the present day theatrical release as commercial for home video.  Maybe in a previous age when a studio owned itself and was in the business of making movies they were less afraid of subtlety than the present day conglomeratory edicts of synergy.  

Or maybe, since nearly all strata of movie are made in all eras of cinema, less of the previous generations' chaff is conveniently available and I happen to have been drawing a bunch of latter day losers.  Here's the recent rundown:

• Young @ Heart - I highly recommend the trailer for this documentary.  As much as the movie itself, about a senior center choir that sings songs from soul to punk, adheres to the hero's journey formula, the trailer adheres to the tradition of including the only worthwhile and enticing parts of the film.
• Blip Festival: Reformat the Planet - This was a slightly better music doc, about making music with (mainly) repurposed electronics, like original gameboys (which have a warmer sound).  Naturally, it's a pretty nerdy cast.
• His Name Was Jason - Because the studios aren't quite ballsy enough yet to simply release a disc that features all the nudity and kills strung together.
• Rocky III - Hulk Hogan!  Mr. T!  Mick!  Oh, and Rocky, too.  I didn't realize that the whole "I pity the fool" schtick actually came from a scripted line for a Clubber Lang.  I suspect I still haven't seen Rocky II, so this is the fulcrum on my Rocky movie scale.  And there's something to be said for the 80s model of making sequels that says you're actually supposed to deliver more of what people liked the last go 'round.
• The Thing - I got to six of the items on this list because Hulu just lost a load of features for some reason.  I'd seen the Thing-like episode of a number of other sci-fi shows, especially the X-Files, but it's a pretty solid and suspenseful movie.  Even the monsters hold up pretty well.
• Swimfan - This is pretty ridiculous.  Fatal Attraction set in high school.  I'm pretty sure it's not actually supposed to be a comedy, but it's really silly.   In brief: boy meets girl, boy has sex with girl behind girlfriend's back, girlfriend finds out and breaks up with boy whilst girl frames boy for a dozen felonies in the space of a week, boy is cleared of all charges and gets back together with girlfriend who seems to have forgotten the one thing he actually did do was cheat on her.
• The Siege - Starring Denzel Washington as himself and Tony Shaloub as an arab.  What if New York City were the victim of a terrorist attack?  It's pretty simple, actually.  All you have to do is apprehend The Last Cell of terrorists and then terror will be over.  I'm surprised you didn't think of that.
• Thunderbolt and Lightfoot - This was pretty great.  Clint Eastwood and Jeff Bridges and George Kennedy are going to rob a bank in the 1970s.  I'll admit though, I'm surprised more talk show hosts and such don't keep re-using clips from this movie of Bridges in drag.
• The Final Curtain - Straight to video story of warring game show hosts, with Peter O'Toole and Adrian Lester, aka Hustle's Mickey Bricks.  Not, you know, very good, perhaps because they couldn't decide if they were making a mock-doc or not.
• The Warriors - One gang gets framed for killing a member of another gang by another gang and then has to fight all these other gangs to just get away from the other gang on their way home, where they'll fight that first other gang?  This is one you hear about a lot, and it seems like the sort of thing you couldn't do anymore, even if they are apparently remaking it.  The comic book transitions seemed really modern though - I may have been watching the recent rerelease. Also: probably a/the inspiration for River City Ransom, if I had to guess.
• Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - The thing I usually dislike about Star Trek is the strict syndicated maintenance of the status quo.  Episodes end where they began so we can watch in any order.  I suppose there's a certain amount of story told across the various series as they grew and evolved, but I didn't realize how much the original film series was telling a continuous story (even though I saw part 6 in theaters for some reason), because this movie didn't make a lick of sense.  From the opening that chooses to not recap previous films for new viewers but instead to make sideways references to them as a nod to the fans, to somehow inventing an even lazier explanation for time travel than Superman: The Movie.  I did enjoy how this fits into the mold of 80s sequels as well, where other film series run out of ideas and eventually add "In Space!" to the title, this series about being in space goes down to earth!
• Death Race - Statham.  Works as a pretty good video game movie, although not explicitly based on a video game.  Kind of in the Ultraviolet school of moviemaking.  But really, there was no reason whatsoever to have 'copilots.'  They don't help, can't do anything, and apparently the audience can't even see them.  (There's the line about how they bring in the chicks to entice viewers, but Statham doesn't have to wear the Frankenstein mask while he drives, so there're no cameras in the cars?)
• Monsters Vs. Aliens - Thumbs down.  Too campy.  Animation just doesn't hold up the competition (everyone's crosseyed, lip sync is weird).  More overtly gimmicky than most of the recent spate of 3D releases.  (At least the animated movies.  Didn't see Bloody Valentine or Journey to the Center of the Earth).
• Knowing - Something in this movie makes me not want to give it the thumbs down, but I can't tell what that something is.  The movie seemed very episodic, with each episode only barely having any bearing on episodes to come.  Oh, here are some fancy effects scenes.  Now back to the mystery.  Now let's be a horror movie for a few minutes.  Just too scattered.  Maybe the trouble is that we (that is, I) never have any particular reason to care about the characters?  Nic Cage's one expression isn't really suited to characters the audience needs to feel something about.
• Lawrence of Arabia - Tremendous!  I would've gone right back into the theater and watched this again, if that'd been an option.  I think for all the movies on this list, it can be distilled down to 10% or less (per sturgeon's law, I suppose) that I'd actually recommend to someone, and this rises right into a spot on that part of the list.

So that's approximately 4/15 this round.  It makes me wonder if 'see everything' is really the right approach.  Sometimes, 'just see good things' sounds better.

Omegle #2

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: should the cock be capitalized?
 You: you must be SO lonely
 You: poor dear.
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hi
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Stranger: I am
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Stranger: I don't believe you
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Stranger: fuck you
 You: You're talking to a 'bot, moron!
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hey
 You: I don't have time to chat, I lost my keys.
 Stranger: well that blows
 You: yeah, I know. I don't really have time to talk to strangers.
 Stranger: o ok then. maybe we can be friends then?
 You: I'm sorry. I really do need a friend right now, but I don't have time to type. I'm looking for those darn keys!
 Connection asploded.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hey
 You: oh crp I jut pilled my drink on the keybord
 Stranger: hahahhaha
 Stranger: sad
 You: the to ro on the left ren't orking
 Stranger: sucks
 You: thi i terrible
 Stranger: i'm sorry
 Stranger: well asl?
 You: I till hve hlf pper to rite, too
 Stranger: i'm sorry
 You: I hve to think of ord ith different letter no
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: hello!
 You: Welcome to the text adventure!
 You: Do you want to get on the highway or take surface roads?
 You: surface roads are like local sidestreets, but the highway might go to the danger zone!
 Stranger: highway!
 You: You're now on the highway.
 You: Oh man, it's backed up for miles!
 You: Do you want to turn on the radio or leave it off?
 Stranger: Hmm. What kind of car do I have?
 Stranger: I want the radio on
You: You're driving a chevy nova!
 You: The radio is on.
 Stranger: FFFFUUU
 You: Do you want the hard rock music, or the classical birdsongs?
 You: Your car advances seven feet.
 Stranger: Classical birdsongs. The traffic will stress me out, so the music will have a calming effect
 You: You're listening to classical birdsongs
 You: Your car advances seven feet.
 You: Suddenly, the music is interrupted!
 Stranger: Oh no!
 You: An announcer breaks in with a special report!
 You: He needs more money to continue the classical birdsongs!
 Stranger: Damn.
 You: Do you want to pledge at the dollar a day level or the 13 dollars a week bonus gold member level?
 Stranger: Gold member, of course
 You: Your car advances seven feet.
 You: A jogger passes the car.
 You: You call the classical birdsong station.
 Stranger: Good
 You: Suddenly, the battery on your phone explodes!
You: ***you have died***
 Stranger: Ah, how unfortunate
 You: ***you scored 14 out of a possible 1300 points***
 Stranger: twas a good run, though
 Stranger: only 14 points, darn
 Stranger: thanks for letting me play!
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: oi
 You: Shhh.
 You: don't say anything
 You: let's just enjoy the moment.
 Stranger: sure
 Stranger: finish?
 You: ssh!
 Stranger: sory
 You: just take deep breaths, and think of england.
 Stranger: yes
 Stranger: .....
 Stranger: what I do now?
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Omegle #1

So there's this Omegle thing, which is about the same as the hyperintelligent notArt chat robot from like seven years ago.  Unlike the robot, which secretly connected you with another person also trying to talk to the supposed robot, this service admits that it is connecting you with an arbitrary stranger.   The important thing to note here is that this service is based on the INTERNET, so certain established theories immediately come into effect.   That being said....

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 'I've just bought a car' and 10 is 'Which one of these drinks is mine?' how lonely would you say you feel right now?
 Stranger: hello
 You: Please, just a number.
 Stranger: 1
 You: Ah excellent.
 You: You may begin conversation now.
 Stranger: yeah
 You: Converse at any moment.
 Stranger: where are u ?
 You: The system is ready for you, you may begin.
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 'I've just bought a car' and 10 is 'Which one of these drinks is mine?' how lonely would you say you feel right now?
 Stranger: hellow
 You: Please, just a number.
 Stranger: english? spanish? portuguese?
 You: You may use numerals.
 Stranger: sorry
 Stranger: but i am brasilian
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 'I've just bought a car' and 10 is 'Which one of these drinks is mine?' how lonely would you say you feel right now?
 Stranger: o
 You: I should inform you, time is a factor in calibrating the system.
 Stranger: 7
 You: That is staggeringly lonely indeed.
 You: The system is ready.
 You: You may begin a conversation.
 Stranger: I will just blade at 45 degrees be fore disenGAGING
 You: Feel free to begin a conversation at your discretion.
 Stranger: YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY WEAPON!!!!
 You: You may start conversing at your leisure.
 Stranger: OMG IT SPINS! 
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 Stranger: I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS
 You: well what are you waiting for?
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: ...
 Stranger: yes
 You: ...
 Stranger: i can make tornados
 You: ...
 Stranger: yea 
You: ...
 Stranger: its true
 You: ...
 Stranger: oh yes
 You: ...
 Stranger: i do not lie
 You: ...
 Stranger: ooooh
 You: ...
 Stranger: gi joe
 You: ...
 Stranger: last one theres a penispump
 You: ...
 Stranger: h
 Stranger: ha
 You: ...
 Stranger: i got you
 You: ...
 Stranger: you should of done two i said two things
 You: ...
 Stranger: you fucked up
 You: ...
 Stranger: hahahaha
 You: ...
 Stranger: df
 Stranger: s
 You: ...
 Stranger:
 You: ...
 Stranger: see i did 3
 You: ...
 Stranger: assfuck
 You: ...
 Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.  
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: Ugh, you again.
 You have disconnected.

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
 You: ...
 Stranger: hi
 You: ...
 Stranger: are we still on for tonight
 You: . . .
 Stranger: fuck you
 You: . . .
 Stranger: fhfhften
 Stranger: ntnnth
 You: . . .
 Stranger: hjtnt
 Stranger: tnj
 Stranger: njt
 Stranger: jn
 Stranger: jnhtnj
 Stranger: yht
 Stranger: jnth
 You: . . .
 Stranger: jn
 Stranger: te
 Stranger: jnt
 Stranger: jn
 Stranger: t
 Stranger: thj
 Stranger: jnh
 Stranger: htmn
 You: ia!
 You: ia!
 Stranger: just log off now
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#1,424: Watchmen

Lately, I've been employed.  I'm an assistant editor on a new program for SpikeTV called 'Surviving Disaster,' and I'm really good at it, so it's going very well.  The assistant editor, in case you were curious, is mainly responsible for getting media in and out of the editing system, which in our case is Final Cut Pro.  So capturing tapes, making the six or more types of media we have incoming play nicely together, keeping everything organized between multiple editors, and doing it without a central server.  Easier done than said, practically, and although production seems like it might be behind schedule, post is now ahead.  Also, if you ever see our main character show up somewhere you are, RUN!  A terrifying experience is just around the corner, and several of your companions may end up dead or badly hurt just to prove a point!  RUN! I read 'The Road,' possibly in part because someone who might be Luke liked it, and because I liked the movie of No Country for Old Men.  I think I liked 'The Road,' and I didn't really question why at the time.  The setting is indeed bleak, but not as depressing as I'd been forewarned.  At some point, the string of events almost become comical, when not horrific.  And there's a nice current of a father and son relying on each other for different reasons and some of the same reasons.  I did occasionally have to take a step back to parse what I'd just read though, or try to map out who was speaking, since no punctuation will do that to you.

Since reading that, (but not because of it,) I think I've been asking 'why' more often.  I saw the 1954 version of Animal Farm, a cartoon much more bleak and depressing than that book.  I wondered a little bit why Orwell went with certain names, since in a big blatant allegory the names are probably valuable.  I was also reminded of the multiple reports and projects and essays I've done on his other book, 1984, over the years.  I still haven't read that one though.

I saw The Fisher King, and I now know that some movie I saw a snippet of once, of a kid who wants to go out to play with a guy who's more interested in having sex with his girlfriend is officially neither Prince of Tides nor Fisher King (I know these aren't similar movies, but they came out at the same time and somehow got tangled around in an eight-year-old brain.)  I found it to be the least Gilliam-like Gilliam movie I've seen, and also the one that dates itself the most.  Seems like trying to 'modernize' a classic story really puts down roots into the specific time it was made.  IMDB says Private Parts wouldn't be for another six years, so I guess there was still a little time before Stern was completely irrelevant.  

The Brothers Bloom, officially coming out this May, is a new movie from Rian Johnson, who made Brick.  I liked it a lot.  Adrian Brody is a con man who's ready to settle down, quit the game, and have a real life.  Someone else plays his brother, who draws him in for the classic 'one last score.' And Rachel Weisz plays Natalie Portman, who complicates things, naturally.  In it's favor, the movie has a very 'interactive' feel to it, in the sense of a 90s adventure game, maybe, where actions have consequences.  If something breaks, it stays broken later, or someone has to fix it.  Also a plus, the curious out-of-time feeling in which the movie is both modern and in the era of the classic con man.  Working against it, the character games do sort of get dropped towards the end in order to handle all the plot that's been piling up, but the attention to detail never fades (Bloom is always thinking of the Queen of Hearts).

The Room is, to paraphrase a pal, ridiculousity from top to bottom.  Something of a cult phenomenon in LA but more-or-less unknown to the rest of the world (it's had a billboard up since long before I moved to LA, at the director/writer/star/producer's expense).  It's just a crazy pile of nonsense, with eye-bending special effects (his building must be rotating on its foundations, if the green screen work is to be believed), and dialogue that could only be written and delivered by a non-native speaker that has probably still not gotten the necessary foothold on the meanings of certain words.  Like 'room.'  Very MSTable.  Best viewed with a group, a sense of the absurd, and a pizza, half canadian ham and pineapple, half pesto and artichoke, light on the cheese.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno was better than I'd heard.  The characters speak more like people in a movie and less like characters in Kevin Smith movies do, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.  I laughed at it sometimes.  It felt...clumsier than previous outings, and I think the popular excuse for that is something like trying to appeal to a broader audience, but I don't know if that's true.  It is, more or less, the story of the making of Clerks.  Maybe it needs another viewing someday to figure out what I think.  I don't think I've made it through all the DVD extras on Clerks 2 yet though, and that's a movie I know I liked.

And then there's Watchmen.  I guess this left me with more questions than anything else, and I'm about to mainly discuss the ending, since that's the only part that's interesting.  I understand most of the condensation that takes place earlier in the story, which does occasionally change characters' motivations, but I'm pretty sure they remain motivated.  When it was done, my reaction was that it was accurate, but unnecessary.  Was it too accurate for its own good?  Is my opinion that an adaptation -should- shake things up?  And if so, why did the last couple minutes irk me a little bit?  Is my opinion that folks shouldn't do adaptations?  I'm okay with the general idea of adapting a work from one medium to another:  the audiobook of American Gods didn't need to change up anything from the text edition, and yet it adds a new dimension.  So what is the point of adaptation?  To retell a story in a way that takes advantage of the strengths of the new medium.  If that doesn't happen, then the work isn't an adaptation, it's a translation.  And the function of a translation is not to impart new meaning but to relay the existing meaning as accurately as possible.  

Watchmen is a story told through comics as well as about comics.  It is regarded as a masterwork because of how thoroughly and intricately it uses its medium.  The reason so many had previously regarded it as 'unfilmable' was less to do with whether the technology was available to create Dr. Manhattan, and more to do with why we don't have filmed adaptations of Infinite Jest, or House of Leaves (and why puzzle-based adventure stories are almost always unsatisfying in the format of a 90 minute film).  So when 98% of the Watchmen film is an abridged translation of the book (showing that the filmmakers concede that a completely accurate reproduction would not be feasible for the theater-going audience), book savvy viewers do not feel that the film earned its deviations from the source.  This is only compounded by the really odd choice to hang a lampshade on the altered dialogue.  Is it supposed to be a clever wink to the in-crowd?  Wasn't that the whole rest of the movie?  

What changed and why?  We ditch the monster, because it would take a lot of screen time to set up properly.  Okay.  Maybe a dozen major cities are attacked instead of just one, either to avoid the appearance of 9/11 flavored pandering, or maybe because we've seen what happens when just one country gets hit, and it isn't world peace.  The world isn't uniting against aliens, or another dimension, it's uniting against God.  Except, Jon doesn't get his god-moment in the movie, completing his transformation from human.  Maybe if Jon had said 'nothing ends,' it suggests that he -will- be watching or returning to Earth at some point, as opposed to agreeing to leave and keep the conspiracy.  But this means that Veidt has his final moment of reckoning with a human, and one that we know poses zero threat to him.  A fair sight different from the original ending, where Veidt's story ends in doubt, his confidence put in check by the fear of God.  On the other hand, maybe the lampshade moment is just an update of the same moment, when the Outer Limits similarity is called out.

I kind of hate to even be discussing it at length, since that's such the thing of the moment, but it left me a little puzzled on my walk home from the theater.  However, on my way back I was able to make a recent dream come true.  I passed a taped off section of freshly poured sidewalk, which I think is a first for me.  And I wrote in it.  Sorry, I don't have a picture yet, but with luck it's there forever and I can get a snapshot in the future.  What could I have inscribed on the curb to leave me feeling so self-satisfied?

"Lorem Ipsum dolor sit amet..."