#1,386: Disturbia

Movie roundup:

• Zero Day - Z-Rob Day? More authentic feeling than Elephant, funny, and then of course the inevitable happens.

• Idiocracy - Mostly didn't like it as much as I heard I should, excepting some of the jokes built around following a line of logic through to an extreme, like "the electrolytes (re: salt) plants crave!"

• Slumdog Millionaire - Also less awesome than advertised. Until the (spoiler!) FULL CAST DANCE NUMBER kicks in! Woo!

• Blindness - In which we learn that blind people are worthless. But still not as worthless as women.

• Death Wish II - In which we learn how darn rapey LA is. Or hopefully, was.

• Twilight Zone: The Movie - This movie takes 4 episodes of the classic TV show and makes them boring. It's almost as if this movie was made in....The Twilight Zone! (ps, thank heavens I haven't seen any Twilight-zone puns having to do with that vampire nonsense that went around lately)

• The Golden Compass - In which we learn about how repulsive those filthy Egyptians are! Actually, this wasn't too bad, but it didn't always seem to be made for the kid audience it was presumably chasing. Also has one of the to-be-continuedest endings ever; too bad they won't be making the other two. That CG polar bear will never get his bottle of delicious coca-cola.

• Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane - Way better than Snakes on a Plane, hands down.

• Diary of the Dead - Liked it. Wonder if it was supposed to take place on the same day as 'Night of,' or if the Romero series isn't necessarily a continuous chronicle of the same outbreak. There's audio re-used from the 'Dawn of' remake, so maybe it fits in that timeline instead.

• Out Cold - The secret to happiness is low expectations, so I liked this better than, say, co-star Zach Galifinakis suggested I might.

• Bulletproof - This action movie parody starring Adam Sandler is played so straight I'll bet a bunch of viewers didn't even notice it was a comedy.

• Over Her Dead Body - It's Ghost Town except with a girl seeing a ghost girl and dating her dude, instead of a dude seeing a ghost dude and dating his girl.

• Sharks in Venice - Has sharks. Has Venice. Has some other stuff the makers half-remembered from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Ah, Venice!

• Death Wish V: The Face of Death - Pretty confusing, since I haven't seen DW3 or DW4 yet. Between the lack of rape, the lack of plot-irrespective architecture scenes, and the more creative kills, it practically didn't feel like a Death Wish at all.

• Seven Pounds - The more puzzling opening section of this was the most fun. Some nice little touches that weren't explicitly called out, even through the more formulaic second half. Liked it, not sure it would work.

• Strictly Sexual - Two girls hire two guys to be live-in whores. Naturally, love ensues.

• Disturbia - Rear Window. Explains too much. Better than the Reeve remake, I think. Probably one of Ben Savage Shia LeBoeuf's best roles, but that's not saying much.

Looks like only 6 or 8 for 17. Pretty mediocre lineup lately.

Therefore, I'm hanging out with Luke today.

Later, a compilation of videos and things I've worked on out on the internets.  But today: 

Rob: Hey, Hombre Ocho
Luke: Hey.
Rob: allons a la lune?
Luke: Pas a la lune!
Rob: aw...c'est magnifique, la lune. Tu vas aimer la lune!
Rob: allons!
Luke: Je ne veux pas aller a la lune.
Luke: Il va faire froid sur la lune.
Luke: Mais, ici, nous avons 60+ degres F.
Rob: je ne crois pas cela
Rob: la lune est super-chouette!
Rob: mais, pas "froid"
Luke: Aussi, la, il n'y a pas d'atmosphere.
Rob: oh! l'atmosphere! Tu et t'atmosphere!
Luke: Quoi?
Rob: "Bonjour! Je m'appelle Luke. J'aime respirer Tous! Les! Temps! Regardez-moi!"
Luke: Ouai ouai.
Luke: Tu l'aimes, aussi, mais tu ne le dis pas.
Luke: Tu as un amour discret avec l'atmosphere.
Luke: Mais tous le monde ecoutent tes respirations!
Rob: alors, je n'est pas une jeune fille
Luke: Ca ne fait rien.
Rob: allons a la lune, s'il vous plaît?
Luke: Tu as les poumons!
Rob: il y a gâteau.
Luke: Si tu as les poumons, to ne peuz pas aller a la lune (sans quelques chers choses a porter).
Rob: (le premier cadeau de la saison)
Luke: Je n'aime pas le gateau de la lune! Je ne suis pas un astronaut!
Luke: Je ne veux pas des enfants du fromage de la lune!
Luke: Je ne veux pas manger l'hamburger avec un paille!
Rob: arrete
Rob: je suis désolé
Luke: Je ne veux pas les astronauts, qui defient la force de gravité devant nos enfants!
Rob: je ne tu appellerais jamais un astronaute
Rob: c'est trop
Luke: Tu m'invites a aller sur la lune!
Rob: je ne pense pas
Luke: Tu es mechant.
Rob: j'ai pensé un vacance a la lune seraient amusement et un delight
Luke: Evidement, le 'matinee' a la Cedar Lee finit a seulement 2:00PM!
Luke: Il n'est pas amusant, un vacance sans oxygen.
Rob: aussi, aux Cinemark a 3h-quelquechose. J'ai un certificate!
Rob: je voudrais payer pour nous tous les deux, parce que j'ai vende un Dialysis cette annee
Rob: (il serait amusant pour un peu de temps, meme sans l'air)
Luke: (Je ne vous croix pas.)
Luke: Ou a 'Regal Crocker Park' a 3:10.
Rob: "Crocker Park?" Es tu certain qu'a assez l'atmosphere pour tu?
Luke: Peut-etre.  

#1,368: Burn After Reading

Say what you will about the Coen Bros., but I really like their nihilistic streak as of late. I didn't like this as much as No Country for Old Men, but for two movies in a row by people I thought I didn't like, it's almost enough to make me want to go back and check out some of their older movies again, in case I'm the one that changed. I did change my location: I'm in Cleveland for a few weeks. It's a winter wonderland!

Other movies I've seen lately:

Notes from The Day the Earth Stood Still - seen under some delightfully bad projection ("It's okay Bill, just make sure most of the image is actually on the screen!"). - The helicopters looked weird at all times, but I wonder why you'd assemble a team of the world's finest scientists and then put them in the air at the expected blast zone. - There was an 800 number on the screen that I didn't quite catch - The US Dept. of Defense is still using a "mainframe?" Really? Still? - obligatory christ pose - stolen clerks gag - running from the bugs at the end made no attempt to make sense - The big thing here was that 10-15 minutes in I was genuinely wondering when Will Smith was going to show up, and then the movie has his kid in it, talking about how his dad would be fighting the aliens, except that he's dead. It seems that the entire movie was kind of an elaborate meta joke. - Keanu got to do his matrix birthing scene again, but I think Norm MacDonald would have been as good or better as Klaatu.

Punisher: War Zone - This was an absolute cartoon. Even the kills weren't particularly interesting or exciting, might as well have been video game footage, except that they lose points for recreating a move from Boondock Saints of all things. Luckily, I mixed up the times on a trip theater hopping, so I walked out around the time the Punisher was punching his wife's grave in favor of...

Bolt! In 3D! - I do like the 3D in a movie. This one was a bit too long and repetitive, I say. No Meet the Robinsons here. The show-in-the-show scenes were pretty great. Weird that they just lifted the goodfeathers wholesale though. Overall, I liked it, but I would have rather seen the movie that Lilo & Stitch director Chris Sanders was going to make.

The Visitor - This movie offers the message that Yes Man seems to offer, and I'm sure it does a better job of it. It could have ended about 20 minutes sooner with no distinguishable difference to the outcome.

Stuck - For an accomplished director and lead actress, this was surprisingly amateurish. Bleah.

The Mist - I expected to dislike this one. Heard bad things, and the opening was a little Happening-like. But then it was quite good. They just kept doing things I liked. Right down to the ending. Well done.

Ghost Town - First time I've seen Ricky Gervais not playing Ricky Gervais. Few directorial things I thought were neat, too. And featuring Alan Ruck (Ferris Bueller's pal Cameron) in a new spin on the role of Ghost Dad! And (highlight to read spoiler:) a lot of people getting hit by busses, which I always love to see in a movie.

So...5 for 8. That's pretty good. According to IMDB, I've seen about 40 movies released in 2008, but I don't know that I've seen enough that I liked to make a top 10 for the year. I guess I should actually see some of the movies topping everyone else's lists so I can like 'em too.

Yay big

Everything you hear about that's eh, about this large, [gesture], is said to be 'the size of a deck of cards.' Unless it's really small, then it's 'as big as a pack of gum.' But you look back a few years, and you'll see the truth, which is that 'the size of a deck of cards' is a euphemism for 'as big as a pack of cigarettes.' I mean, you've seen cards, you know, but that's not what they're really thinking of when they say it.

Eventually, will things be 'as big as an ipod?' I bet they won't, because you'd have to get into a chat about what kind. The one I got the first time my car got robbed is about as big as one of those flat packs of gum, like stride or 5. This new hard drive I picked up is as big as a moleskine notebook. And my old ipod, the one I bought? That seems huge now. It's, like, the size of a deck of cards.

Sometimes it's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things the internets have to offer that make them all worthwhile. Eighteen years ago, when he was popular, I would have never dared to dream (for any number of reasons) that THIS message would one day arrive:

Hi, Rob Schultz.

Hammer (MCHammer) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Hammer's profile here:

http://twitter.com/MCHammer

Best, Twitter

However, I definitely remember my dad having the mistaken impression that I  was a MC Hammer fan. Maybe he knew something I didn't, all along...that Hammer was actually a fan of ME!