Normal Website

Not a front for a secret organization.
Written by Rob Schultz (human).

CraP LA: Move, little injured boy!

Two of the features of Los Angeles that I see as pretty much the biggest draws so far include: 1) A Preponderance and ready availability of slurpees at any time, and only a few minutes' walk from my dwelling.

2) Really crazy people. I enjoy seeing people flip out, but I'm usually out alone somewhere, so I thought I might share stories from time to time about people like the lady at the Harry Potter 5 premiere who shouted and screamed at the register-less clerk at the concession stand whose job was simply trying to keep up with large drink and large popcorn refills.

Today I ate at a Subway restaurant, as I'm given to. Leaving means pulling out onto a busy street, but the driveway was completely blocked by a bus that was stopped (like the other vehicles) at a red light. This is reasonable to me, but not to the fella who couldn't pull out until I did because he was behind me. BEEP! BEEP BEEP! BEEEEEP! Angry driver, sure, not that interesting...yet.

We pull out and the driver does that spiteful pass where they go around you but return to the original lane in a dangerous and threatening way, so that he can be first at the next stop light instead of me. A gaggle of kids crossed the street in front of us, some on skateboards. One boy spectacularly wiped out, Home Alone-style, landing on his back with his feet in the air and the board getting away. And the light changed. And again: the litany of beeping, as if to say, "MOVE! GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU WOUNDED CHILD! WHY WOULD YOU JUST LIE IN MY WAY, STUNNED OR HURT?! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!"

All the better to feed my fantasy that whenever you hear what you think is a car alarm, it's really someone just beeping furiously.